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I don't approve of my child's college choice should I discourage him or just accept his decision?

Topic: Parents | Asked by: Anonymous | Asked on 06/17/2010

Answers (43)

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Accept their decision. It is better than discouraging him. If you discourage him, he may choose to drop out and not get a degree at all. It is their choice to decide what they want to do for the rest of their life. Help them prepare and do not make them feel guilty for their decision.

Answered by: Allgrw P. | about 4 years ago
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Accept his decision. You might be the one paying for it, but he or she is going to have to live with the decision. Support your child, as if they were at your dream school, do not be angry with them. This is their life to live, and if their choice of college ends up being a bad one, it'll be a learning experience.

Answered by: Syam V. | about 4 years ago
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If you are paying for it, you have a right to encourage or discourage. It is immoral for someone to expect to be supported by their parents for several years as well as for them to spend tens of thousands of dollars of tuition because this person wants the dubious thrill of "a party school" or "to live in a great location". If they are paying for it via student loans or scholarships, then they have earned the right to make their own choice.

Answered by: Tbw R. | about 4 years ago
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First, think about why you disapprove of your child's college choice. Is it farther than you were hoping? Does the school not have a major you were expecting? Really get to the root of why you aren't happy with your child's choice. If your reasons are more selfish (distance, athletics v. academics, etc) - then you should just accept his/her decision. If by chance your reasons are because they are basing their choice on a boyfriend/girlfriend or party reputation, then you might want to really talk about what they hope to get from school and see if they might consider re-evaluating their choice of schools.

Answered by: Bees Mama Q. | about 4 years ago
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While some college-bound students are mature beyond their years, the majority have no real-world experience. If you have any reservations about where your child wants to go, you need to discuss this with him. Give him the respect that a young adult deserves by not forcing your opinions on him, but instead explaining why you feel the way you do. You will want to have a list of alternative choices and explain why they will be better for him. If he decides to continue on with his original choice, you will then have to give him the guidance and support that this decision will create.

Answered by: Bethany Sue D. | about 4 years ago
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You should attempt to have a discussion with your child about why they have chosen their specific institution. Try to see the situation from their point of view, and be supportive of this big decision in their life. Should you feel strongly about a certain issue, voice your opinion and see if your student can appease some of your concerns. Ultimately, by choosing to accept his or her decision, you may solidify the relationship you have with them, as you risk hurting your future if you are condescending or negative regarding one of their first "adult-life" decisions.

Answered by: Adamkendallz V. | about 4 years ago
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It is never a good thing to discourage someone from their dream. I believe in standing behind the people I care about even when i don't agree with their choices. I can tell you from experience that my parents weren't supportive of my college decisions and it made our relationship falter.

Answered by: Molae06 Q. | about 4 years ago
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Ultimately, it's most important for your child to choose a college where they will feel comfortable and be able to learn. Sending children to college is an exercise in letting go of a little control; it's time to trust your child and the values you've instilled in him for the last 18 years. Think about why you disapprove of his choice, and whether that reason is worth discussing with him. Make sure to talk to your child as an adult, because as soon as they head off to school, that's what they will be, and you will need to start respecting their choices, even if you disagree with them.

Answered by: Purplpig L. | about 4 years ago
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It depends on the circumstances. If you are going to provide support then as a parent you should be involved in helping him make a good decision. Kids are making college choices that will affect the rest of their lives. The major issue affecting their future is the cost of college. Many kids are taking student loans that will go with them into their adulthood. It is his choice but it is your responsibility as a parent to help him make good decisions.

Answered by: Turker Y. | about 4 years ago
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I believe that you should accept his decision. If you make your child attend a different college, he may not be happy and do something rash at college. Your child's performance depends on how much he enjoys his time and how comfortable he is at the college.

Answered by: Choco Mint Y. | about 4 years ago
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You should accept his decision. I realize that you're going to be the one funding his education, but ultimately that's what it is his decision. If you still are uncomfortable you should sit down with him and talk about some alternatives.

Answered by: Lanig91 B. | about 4 years ago
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Yes, this may be very wise to do. You may see something that your child does not see. Explaining to your child your feelings in a loving and respectable way may help him to see your concern. In the end though, he will had to decide which way he wants to go.

Answered by: Mcw2004 Y. | about 4 years ago
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If you are paying for it, you have a right to encourage or discourage. It is immoral for someone to expect to be supported by their parents for several years as well as for them to spend tens of thousands of dollars of tuition because this person wants the dubious thrill of "a party school" or "to live in a great location". If they are paying for it via student loans or scholarships, then they have earned the right to make their own choice.

Answered by: Tbw R. | about 4 years ago
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I would accept his decision and enourage him to do what he wants to do, afterall he is an adult now. Showing him that you respect his opinion will help encourage him to do well in school. Discouraging him could upset him and keep him from going to college all together.

Answered by: Brittanycalla X. | about 4 years ago
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Your child is now almost a grown-up. As such, he or she can expect you to respect decisions that they make. The best way to alienate a child is to belittle a decision that they make. Talk to your child, and find out what is the basis of the college choice. You may find that your child knows what they are doing.

Answered by: Nicsmom A. | about 4 years ago
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You should accept his decision. How would you feel if your mother or father kept discouraging you to do something you felt was right? Your child is an adult now,and hopefully, he or she can make good decisions.

Answered by: Tim B. | about 4 years ago
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The parent must accept the child's decision. The child is at his or her part of life where the decision is in his or her hands. The parent must do his or her best to support the child.

Answered by: Greg I. | about 4 years ago
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It depends on if you are willing to risk a future relationship with him. This is a time when he needs to flourish, and something like discouraging something he wants, can cause resentment in the future. Let him try it, and if it is a mistake, he will realize it. Sometimes young people need to make mistakes to see the reality of things.

Answered by: Crystal Can Do That I. | about 4 years ago
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No! You may not like it but you can't decide this for your child. If you do they will be very angry at you for a long time. Try to understand why your child likes it. You need to let go an let your child decide for him or herself.

Answered by: Crank C. | about 4 years ago
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It would be best to have a face-to-face talk with your child. Set aside some time when you can both be alone to discuss it. Try to explain why you don't approve and try to see why he wants to go there. Make sure to let your child speak and take all his/her thoughts into account before speaking up. Once you have all the information, it will help you decide whether you should discourage him or accept.

Answered by: Jimm34 Z. | about 4 years ago
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We should see, the choice made by our child is right or wrong. Because , they make the choice based on their friend who are already joined that particular college. Check his friends are good at studies or not. Then you can decide whether to go with your option or your childs option.

Answered by: Domjj P. | about 4 years ago
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You have to accept child's decision if there is not any solid reason for not accepting his/her college choice. I said because if you force your kid to join college of your choice he/she will not find comfortable and this may result in frustration to adjust with the environment.A child make a choice of college depending upon many reasons like subjects they have interest, timings, friends etc.If the parent is not accepting his/her decision the kid feels that parents are not considering their opinions and thoughts. This affect your kids future and career so badly and even she/he could not concentrate in his/her studies. If you have any solid reason for not accepting your kids choice then talk to him/her and explain your reason and make the child understand clearly the problem and make the child himself/herself change their decision.

Answered by: Jinsin F. | about 4 years ago
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Please accept his decision. He may change his mind later and transfer to another school. The important thing is he is THERE.

Answered by: Tamyia C. | over 2 years ago
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Entering college, your son will (most likely) be an adult. He is capable of making his own decisions. You should express your disapproval, but not discourage him from following his dreams. Unless the school is way out of your price range, let your child decide for himself. In the long run you'll both be better for it.

Answered by: Broccoli L. | about 4 years ago
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Do not discourage him, my parent tried this and it failed. It also made my years in college much more difficult for me knowing that they didn't approve. In the end I ended up switching colleges for other reasons but I wasn't happy about it to begin with due to my parent not approving. Let your child choose the college that they like, after all THEY are the ones who will have to go to it and study there. I'm sure they know what they prefer in a college. Trust their choice and support them.

Answered by: Santiago Sky T. | about 4 years ago
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This is a time for your child to explore their options and build their own path. It is very important for them to feel their parents respect their decisions. I would encourage parents to listen to their children, have a conversation with them and try to understand their decisions. Rather than discouraging them, listen to what they have to say. Seeing that their parents are listening to them, they are more apt to hearing your thoughts and opinions.

Answered by: Turkadvisor D. | about 4 years ago
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The main thing you should remember is that this is your child's college choice. This is your child's opportunity to receive the college education that he chooses. Accept his decision and encourage him even if you don't agree with him. He will appreciate the fact that you can put your distaste aside in order to support him.

Answered by: Kasey1720 S. | about 4 years ago
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The worse thing for you to do is to discourage him. It is your job to set your child up for success, not be petty and put your wants and desires before his. How dare you do this to him? It's not your choice. He's going to succeed where he wants to succeed, not where you want him to go. Haven't you ever done something because you had when you really would have wanted to do something else. Full heartedly always wins against half heartedly.

Answered by: L Platter F. | about 4 years ago
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I think you should tell him the reason's why you don't want him to go to that college. You should also understand that he is an adult trying to make decisions for himself. It might alter his performance to go to a college he doesn't want to. He may not apply himself because he doesn't care as much. He should be able to make his choice and if he doesn't like it he can transfer.

Answered by: Kw29 H. | about 4 years ago
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Even though you don't approve you shouldn't critisize. You should tell your child your opinion but let them decide. If your child decides that they want to go to that school then that was their choice. You need to ask yourself why you don't want them to go to this school? Is it a serious and legitimate reason, if so explain why to your child.

Answered by: Jwicklund07 L. | about 4 years ago
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It is never a good thing to discourage someone from their dream. I believe in standing behind the people I care about even when i don't agree with their choices. I can tell you from experience that my parents weren't supportive of my college decisions and it made our relationship falter.

Answered by: Molae06 Q. | about 4 years ago
  • Helpful 0
  • Not My Experience 1
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I would accept his decision and enourage him to do what he wants to do, afterall he is an adult now. Showing him that you respect his opinion will help encourage him to do well in school. Discouraging him could upset him and keep him from going to college all together.

Answered by: Brittanycalla X. | about 4 years ago
  • Helpful 0
  • Not My Experience 1
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Your child is now almost a grown-up. As such, he or she can expect you to respect decisions that they make. The best way to alienate a child is to belittle a decision that they make. Talk to your child, and find out what is the basis of the college choice. You may find that your child knows what they are doing.

Answered by: Nicsmom A. | about 4 years ago
  • Helpful 0
  • Not My Experience 1
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You should accept his decision. How would you feel if your mother or father kept discouraging you to do something you felt was right? Your child is an adult now,and hopefully, he or she can make good decisions.

Answered by: Tim B. | about 4 years ago
  • Helpful 0
  • Not My Experience 1
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It depends on if you are willing to risk a future relationship with him. This is a time when he needs to flourish, and something like discouraging something he wants, can cause resentment in the future. Let him try it, and if it is a mistake, he will realize it. Sometimes young people need to make mistakes to see the reality of things.

Answered by: Crystal Can Do That I. | about 4 years ago
  • Helpful 0
  • Not My Experience 1
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No! You may not like it but you can't decide this for your child. If you do they will be very angry at you for a long time. Try to understand why your child likes it. You need to let go an let your child decide for him or herself.

Answered by: Crank C. | about 4 years ago
  • Helpful 0
  • Not My Experience 1
Gravatar

It would be best to have a face-to-face talk with your child. Set aside some time when you can both be alone to discuss it. Try to explain why you don't approve and try to see why he wants to go there. Make sure to let your child speak and take all his/her thoughts into account before speaking up. Once you have all the information, it will help you decide whether you should discourage him or accept.

Answered by: Jimm34 Z. | about 4 years ago
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You should just accept your child's decision, and be happy that they are going to college in the first place. We go to college to get an education for the career we WANT to do. If you discourage your child, you're only going to make them not want to go to college, which will result in an unhappy future if they don't do what they want to do in life.

Answered by: Tonya S H. | about 4 years ago
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First of all, congratulations on having a child who wants to pursue a degree! I think the best thing you can do, being a parent myself, is talk up how proud you are of them going to school at all. Discuss they're interest in school, their motivation for the school they're going to, and try to listen to their decision-making process; this is your child's first major decision as they transition from your home to adulthood. Then examine your own reasons for your preference. If you still strongly feel you're right, argue your point in a calm, reasonable manner and be willing to hear their counterpoints. Ultimately, it really is their decision and they will resent too much pressure. Be willing to accept the FINAL decision, in particular if the reasons aren't "to party" or "because my friends are going to this school". :)

Answered by: Irishboy51 T. | about 4 years ago
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Talking is the key of this situation. If your child is interested in this college or whatever the topic of college you are not approving, then talk about it. Tell your child why you may not like his decision and let them tell you why they feel it's a good decision. Keep in mind that this is your child's future, not yours. If your child understands your point of view and sees why this college choice may not be a good one, then they will make the right decision. Overall it is their decision and not yours.

Answered by: Bowz N. | about 4 years ago
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If you disapprove because you know it is a bad school (unsafe, bad record), then by all means, discuss this with your child. If they are set on doing it anyway, you may ruin the relationship by forcing them to change or making them feel like you will not love them if they do not change. If what you say about the school is true, they will just have to learn the hard way. If you don't have any justifications like safety or academic value, then leave the child alone because he/she isn't doing anything wrong.

Answered by: Junior Sweet P. | about 4 years ago
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As a parent, you will never approve of everyone of your child's decisions. Your child is becoming an adult and will be making many of his own decisions in the near future. It is best to accept and support his decision.

Answered by: Iamerica N. | about 4 years ago
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The parent must accept the child's decision. The child is at his or her part of life where the decision is in his or her hands. The parent must do his or her best to support the child.

Answered by: Greg I. | about 4 years ago
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