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Need help talking to my daughter about sex before she goes to college?!!

Topic: Social Scene | Asked by: Anonymous | Asked on 07/02/2010

Answers (45)

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The truth of the matter is despite the old stereotypes relating to sex and college, it is really not as bad as they claim it to be. You should tell your daughter that if she chooses to have sex, it should be done with proper protection. You should also talk to her about going to parties and drinking as both of these can lead to sex. She should never go to a party alone, always keep an eye on your drink (which she shouldn't be doing anyway if under 21 however this rarely stops students) and she should never let someone convince her it "is going to be alright". Sex should be a special experience and not any kind of one night stand.

Answered by: College Student123 T. | over 4 years ago
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Chances are your daughter knows all about sex, there is a good chance she is not a virgin. Educate her and make her feel like she can talk to you. Tell her to always use protection and to say no if she doesn't want to have sex.

Answered by: Zolty F. | over 4 years ago
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There is no easy way to discuss the topic of sex with teenagers, therefore it's best to just tackle the subject head on! The first thing is to make sure that you are honest, don't beat around the bush or try to sugar coat anything because this will only hurt your daughter in the long run. Make sure that she knows how to potect herself if she does engage in sex and knows the consiquences of sex as well. Tell your child about pregnancy, sexually transmitted diseases, and promiscuity. Being a freshman in college is going to be challeging with school, parties, new friends, and new freedom. Just let her know that her reputation will definately follow her, so she doesn't want to ruin it by being promiscuous just because she has the freedom away from her parents now. Finally, let her know that she can always come to you with any questions or concerns and she has a shoulder to lean on!

Answered by: Just A Thought F. | over 4 years ago
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If you are uncomfortable starting the conversation with your daughter, try buying her one of the many books written for teens about sex. You can then use that as a jumping-off point for your conversation. Remember, your daughter may already know more than you think she does about sex. The most important thing is that she use protection, and you can even make her an appointment at a Planned Parenthood or her pediatrician, where she can talk to a professional about her options.

Answered by: Kitty W. | over 4 years ago
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The most important thing your daughter needs to know is how emotional overwhelm will quite often lead her to feeling sexually needy. When she is feeling needy of someone to make her feel better, she is in danger of entering into a sexual relationship for the wrong reasons. When we suppress what we are feeling (whether it is emotional or sensual) we become fixated on thinking about why we think we need someone (or something) to make us feel better. We stop ourselves from feeling connected with ourselves; and seek an external feeling fix, to make us feel more connected. Abstinence is easy, when you feel sensationally connected... within my teachings, sexual neediness and sexual frustration are eliminated forever. I am currently creating a different sex education program - one that focuses primarily on teaching our teens how to manage their resistant emotional and sensual energy. So they can stop feeling confused, upset and lonely - and start feeling healed, whole and completely empowered - sensationally connected from the inside-out.

Answered by: Jacqui Olliver R. | over 3 years ago
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Going to college myself my parent talked about sex to me but at this time we have learned enough about it that the talk isn't exactly needed. Health classes in school have taught us enough about it that there is really no need to get stressed over talking to your daughter all you really need to do is touch on some key points such as safe sex. Sure it will be awkward for the both of you but it is something that is a good thing to do before she leave for college. Just sit her down and talk about what she know and what more you want her to know. Good luck with the talk believe me you and your daughter will feel a lot better about it once it is over and done with but it is something that is a great idea to do before she leaves.

Answered by: Thomas Clips W. | over 4 years ago
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Well If your daughter is on the way to college I'm sure she knows about sex. I know the head of Reslife, which is where you sign up for a room and all the stuff talked to us about sex. She told us to not be in a room alone with a guy that we just met and to leave the door open if we do or have a roommate there. I hope that you will tell you daughter to be safe and offer her the option of some birth control. People are always talking about abstinence but to many kids are blinded to the real facts of sex. Share some safety tips and the buddy system.

Answered by: Kw29 H. | over 4 years ago
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You'll love this - an article from a teenage girl's perspective on how to react when your mom asks you about sex. This might help you get some perspective on how to approach it when you know how she's feeling: http://hercampus.com/love/when-your-mom-asks-about-your-sex-life. Bottom line: make HER feel comfortable (it's just as awkward for her) and don't overreact if you hear something you don't like. You'd rather her be honest and safe than be secretive and potentially uninformed, right?

Answered by: Sandra P. | over 4 years ago
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Write down exactly what you want to talk about. This may be a hard conversation, so it is best to cover everything in one conversation. Maybe ask her if she has any questions before you begin talking. She might cover things that you wanted to ask. If anything, just be relaxed and do not assume that she is having sex or will be in the near future. Let her tell you if she wants to.

Answered by: Allgrw P. | over 4 years ago
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Take a look at this Family Education site about how to talk to your teen about sex. http://life.familyeducation.com/std/sex/48528.html?detoured=1 Unless your daughter has been living under a rock, she probably knows a lot about sex as it is (which makes this a lot easier for you!). You can make sure to talk to her about only having protected sex. You can also talk to your daughter about birth control methods such as the pill.

Answered by: Christie18 B. | over 4 years ago
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Talking to your daughter about sex can be difficult, just make sure she understands that she can still have fun while being safe. Condom use should be included. You should also tell her about your college years and how you dealt with sex in college.

Answered by: Zolty F. | over 4 years ago
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If your daughter is going to college, there is very good chance she knows about sex and men (maybe even more than you). One way you could talk to her though is give some information about the dangers of sex and men (recent news reports, brochures, etc.).

Answered by: Mayell U. | over 4 years ago
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Unless your daughter has a history of sexual indiscretions, you may not need to say anything at all. The one thing I would probably bring up is alcohol use. Don't mention sex directly, but mention that excessive alcohol use can cause people to do things they might regret, not to mention there's a negative correlation between number of drinks consumed in a week and GPA. Other than that, trust her to be careful when having sex.

Answered by: Null Terminator N. | over 4 years ago
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Most orientation programs at schools cover this. First, encourage your daughter to either NOT drink or to drink only in great moderation and only with those she knows well. Stress the importance of staying focused on classes rather than partying. Most kids find what they go looking for so encourage her to look for worthwhile activities. If she must party, tell her to be smart and never let anyone mix her a drink or to keep her drink in her own hands at all times.

Answered by: Jane Sparks U. | over 4 years ago
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The first thing you'll want to do is, as weird as it may seem, try talking to her about it rather than warning or frightening her. College is a time when you're coming to understand your place in the world and that can lead to a lot of different places, just make sure she knows you're talking to her on the level rather than being overbearing.

Answered by: Mixtape C. | over 4 years ago
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Tell her the most important thing is to believe in the power of "no." She doesn't have to be promiscuous to be popular. If she does decide to have sex, tell to never ever do it without protection - no matter what.

Answered by: Syam V. | over 4 years ago
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Those lines of communication should have been opened when she was a lot younger. She may or maynot be terrbily interested in every detail but offer her all you can, and don't make her feel ashamed about it by telling her it's gross or anything like that. Just explain to her what it is and that it's for adult relationships. It is possible that she knows a lot already.

Answered by: Itsnikki4u A. | over 4 years ago
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I bet your daughter already knows all there is to know at this point. The time to have that talk is late grade school or early junior high school. They learn from their peers and at school as early as middle grade school. It is best to give them facts rather than the rumors they will hear from peers. It won't hurt at all to give a little refresher talk before she leaves for college.

Answered by: Anonymous J. | over 4 years ago
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It's hard to give advice on this because it is so dependent on your relationship with your daughter. I never really got the sit down, birds and the bees chat from my parents - or if I did, I completely blocked it out of my memory. I guess the best advice is just to know that it is going to be awkward, but it is important. Be open and honest with her and be willing to answer any of her questions. Most importantly, let her know that you're there for her - no matter what she may do in college and that you are there to talk to her if she has an problems. It doesn't help to be a judgmental parent, I mean my parents made clear their expectations of me, but they also made clear if something went "wrong" they would be there for me. Good luck!

Answered by: Fromarecentgrad F. | over 4 years ago
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Do not wait. Just talk to her. The longer you wait, the more likely it will be that you will never have the conversation. Don't just make the conversation about sex. Talk to her about her relationships, and what she wants in life. Do not be judgmental. That is a guaranteed way to make it your first and last conversation about the subject.

Answered by: Rosco D. | over 4 years ago
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This can be a very awkward conversation. Ask her what she knows already. Just tell her to be safe in whatever she does to keep the awkwardness to a minimum.

Answered by: Colaa B. | over 4 years ago
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If you are uncomfortable starting the conversation with your daughter, try buying her one of the many books written for teens about sex. You can then use that as a jumping-off point for your conversation. Remember, your daughter may already know more than you think she does about sex. The most important thing is that she use protection, and you can even make her an appointment at a Planned Parenthood or her pediatrician, where she can talk to a professional about her options.

Answered by: Kitty W. | over 4 years ago
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Those lines of communication should have been opened when she was a lot younger. She may or maynot be terrbily interested in every detail but offer her all you can, and don't make her feel ashamed about it by telling her it's gross or anything like that. Just explain to her what it is and that it's for adult relationships. It is possible that she knows a lot already.

Answered by: Itsnikki4u A. | over 4 years ago
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I bet your daughter already knows all there is to know at this point. The time to have that talk is late grade school or early junior high school. They learn from their peers and at school as early as middle grade school. It is best to give them facts rather than the rumors they will hear from peers. It won't hurt at all to give a little refresher talk before she leaves for college.

Answered by: Anonymous J. | over 4 years ago
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It's hard to give advice on this because it is so dependent on your relationship with your daughter. I never really got the sit down, birds and the bees chat from my parents - or if I did, I completely blocked it out of my memory. I guess the best advice is just to know that it is going to be awkward, but it is important. Be open and honest with her and be willing to answer any of her questions. Most importantly, let her know that you're there for her - no matter what she may do in college and that you are there to talk to her if she has an problems. It doesn't help to be a judgmental parent, I mean my parents made clear their expectations of me, but they also made clear if something went "wrong" they would be there for me. Good luck!

Answered by: Fromarecentgrad F. | over 4 years ago
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I think you have to speak out your mind and equip your daughter with the facts without necessarily kind of suggestion the direction to follow. She will be better place to make a decision of her own.

Answered by: Isaac K. | about 3 years ago
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You can tell her to be careful, but you have to remember that she will be an adult and have to make her own decisions.

Answered by: Tyson K. | about 3 years ago
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Give her the facts. Information is important like for health and safety. However let her make her own decisions after that. Don't pry into her sex life(whether she has one or not). Would you like her asking about yours?

Answered by: Adrienne G. | almost 4 years ago
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Give her the facts. Information is important concerning health and safety. After that let her make her own decisions. Don't pry into her sex life( whether she has one or not). Would you like her asking about yours?

Answered by: Adrienne G. | almost 4 years ago
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When you talk to your daughter about sex try to be respectful of her privacy and communicate clearly. Remember that the conversation may be at least as awkward for her as for you. Don't ask questions that you don't want her to answer. Try to let her know that you trust her and only want to help her be safe. Having graduated college, she probably already knows how pregnancy happens, how STDs are transmitted, and the consequences of both. What she may not know are the statistics for common STDs (things like Herpes, which is extremely common) and for date rape of women in college.

Answered by: Carolina Girl X. | over 4 years ago
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Yes. It may be awkward but we have all been there. Education is the key to success. If she has taken a sex ed class in high school she probably knows just as much as you. However, instilling morals and ethics is just what some people need. Let her know what drugs and alcohol will do to her decision making processes.

Answered by: Average Joe V. | over 4 years ago
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The best thing for both of you is to talk about the situations your child may find themselves in before they go away to college. Be comfortable - you're the parent (and the adult). Also, remember that talking to your child about sex is not defined as 'telling them not to have sex'.

Answered by: Grad12 I. | over 4 years ago
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If your daughter is getting ready to go to college, chances are she has taken many sex ed classes in high school. She most likely knows the risks, such as STDs and pregnancy. Which means, if you do sit down and talk to her, talk on a more personal level, not focused on STDs and pregancy. Maybe throw in some of your own learning experiences and and answers to the questions that you had at her age. Be real with her, not uptight and wordy.

Answered by: Mighty Spidey L. | over 4 years ago
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Be sure to be honest about sex, and encourage her to ask you questions. BE READY TO ANSWER!! Talk to her about sexually transmitted infections, birth control and pregnancy, and make sure she knows the repercussions of all of these things. Make sure she is aware of date rape, and that sex does not always mean love. Most importantly, be aware that she may already be sexually active.

Answered by: Drs J. | over 4 years ago
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Remind your daughter why she is going to college: to further her education for her future career. Encourage your daughter to focus on studying. Remind your daughter that sex leads to pregnancy as well as STDs. No birth control is 100% effective expect for abstinence.

Answered by: Iamerica N. | over 4 years ago
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What aspects of sex you will talk with your daughter about before she goes to college depends on what kind of discussions the two of you have already had on the topic. I think that the most important points that you should stress are include the importance of using a condom to reduce the risk of STI's/STD's and to prevent pregnancy. Discuss options for other forms of birth control if she decides that she wants to use a form of hormonal contraception. You should also stress that she should never feel pressured to engage in any type of sexual activity with anyone, and should only do what she feels comfortable doing. Also tell her that she should never leave her drink unattended at a party. If she puts it down, she should just get a new one. Don't let strangers get drinks for you if you're not with them.

Answered by: Cookiemonster K. | over 4 years ago
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As a college student myself, I think the most important thing is to not act like this is a big deal. Your daughter will notice if you feel awkward or uncomfortable about the discussion and will respond in the same fashion. Tell her you want to be open and that you trust her. Make sure to talk in a loving and mature way and ask if she has any questions. Adding humor into the conversation may lighten the mood and make her feel more comfortable. Again be open and honest and try to reach her in the best way to get the important information said.

Answered by: Jpeltz Q. | over 4 years ago
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First and foremost, be sure to mention the danger in sex. Mention that she is alone during college and doesn't have you to protect her. Remind her to always practice safe sex if she does decide to have it. Other than that, it is really her decision.

Answered by: Bowz N. | over 4 years ago
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Tell her the most important thing is to believe in the power of "no." She doesn't have to be promiscuous to be popular. If she does decide to have sex, tell to never ever do it without protection - no matter what.

Answered by: Syam V. | over 4 years ago
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As a college student myself, I think the most important thing is to not act like this is a big deal. Your daughter will notice if you feel awkward or uncomfortable about the discussion and will respond in the same fashion. Tell her you want to be open and that you trust her. Make sure to talk in a loving and mature way and ask if she has any questions. Adding humor into the conversation may lighten the mood and make her feel more comfortable. Again be open and honest and try to reach her in the best way to get the important information said.

Answered by: Jpeltz Q. | over 4 years ago
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First and foremost, be sure to mention the danger in sex. Mention that she is alone during college and doesn't have you to protect her. Remind her to always practice safe sex if she does decide to have it. Other than that, it is really her decision.

Answered by: Bowz N. | over 4 years ago
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Well that is a tender subject to talk about. It will be hard to be in any type of control after she leaves for college if it is far away. Maybe tell her to carry a can of mace so if some guy she's dating doesn't take no for a answer. If she is 17 or 18 she probably knows as much about sex as you do. Teens today are more educated than some parents think. The internet has way to much info about it for teens. The only thing you could say is keep from getting pregnant until marriage.I see way to many young women 20 and have 2 kids and almost impossible to go to college and no man to take care of them. Good luck

Answered by: Professor V. | over 4 years ago
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Protection is the keypoint you want to emphasize. She probably knows about sex but you need to make sure she is practicing safe sex. Slip condoms in with her stuff before she leaves.

Answered by: Zolty F. | over 4 years ago
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When talking to your daughter, make sure she knows you are just trying to give her advice rather than preach to her. This way she will be more apt to listen. Encourage her to use protection (condoms), and also consider seeing your physician about oral contraceptives. All parents would love to know that their children are practicing abstinence, but its better to be safe than sorry.

Answered by: Lindsy K. | almost 3 years ago
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This can be a very awkward conversation. Ask her what she knows already. Just tell her to be safe in whatever she does to keep the awkwardness to a minimum.

Answered by: Colaa B. | over 4 years ago
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